Life is Like a Good Road Trip-
I escaped the zoo and flew to Ireland with my friend C for 10 days. While seeing the famous sights was fun and interesting, it was the slow moments that I think will stick in our memories longest. Life should be like a good road trip. You know what your destination is, but beyond that it’s just open road, a good friend, and a well-packed suitcase.
C and I had a pretty tight agenda for seeing Ireland. Sort of. Because C was so busy before the trip, we only had time to book where we’d be staying every night and buy our plane tickets. Other than that, we didn’t lock anything down. I’d always wondered why C took tours when she traveled and worried that she would insist on doing them this trip. Turns out she gets anxious deciding what to do so tours make it easier for her to relax. Whereas, planning what to see is my favorite part of a vacation. Our division of labor was great, in my opinion, because C did the driving and tracked finances while I got to plan the next day’s itinerary.
You Need More Than One Road Map
On my first day in Derry, Northern Ireland, I bought a Collins Road Atlas and the highly recommended Ordnance Survey map of northern half of Ireland (later we bought Ordinance maps of other regions). The maps complimented each other quite well, with the Ordnance Survey pointing out scenic spots and the Collins Atlas detailing tourist attractions. We’d start by consulting the two maps to pick a destination for the first leg of our trip then C would program it into GPS and we’d argue with GPS or Waze until we got the route we wanted.
Maps are like advice, if you follow only one suggested route, you’re going to miss out on other possibilities.
Plan for the Unexpected
This might sound contradictory, but it’s important to plan for the unexpected. Time slows down when you loosen the schedule and make room for life to happen.
For example, on our way to Sligo in the north of Ireland, I spotted a castle on a hill out towards Mullaghmore Head. It seemed close enough, so we decided to take the next turn off in that direction. Warning, there are no straight roads in Ireland. We circled the castle but got no closer than the gatehouse. Didn’t matter. We found a charming little beach and harbor that made us wish we had not already booked our hotel for the night.
Later that day, we got to talking to a guide at Parke’s Castle—a smaller, older castle near Sligo. Turns out the guide had grown up in Mullaghmore and chatted about the mystery castle’s owners. Two days before we’d never heard of Mullaghmore or Parke’s Castle, but by being willing to take the road less traveled, we enjoyed things the average tourist doesn’t.
This happened again and again. We consciously chose the narrowest roads or took the less obvious route through national parks and were rewarded with cascading waterfalls and unblemished views that offered only sheep for company. In this way, we planned for the possibility of serendipity.
It’s important that discovery doesn’t become a series of photo ops. Obsession with taking the perfect shot focuses on how you’ll relive the moment in the future rather than experiencing the now. Take time to listen to the wind. Watch the play of light on the hills as clouds scuttle over a sunlit valley. Read the headstones in a graveyard. If your memory of a place is exactly the image on your phone, it’s because you were looking at your phone more than the world around you.
Be Prepared
Being prepared is the flip side of planning for the unexpected. It gives you the confidence to wing it as long as you remember to use what you prepared. C packed way more than I did, but then would forget to bring rain gear when we toured a monument. Silly bird, it rains in Ireland. But when I forgot to wear a scarf on a brisk day C came to my rescue with a spare. 
There’s a subtle difference between planning and preparing. Planning involves thinking ahead (packing a rain poncho); preparing means taking the actions needed to put that plan in action. I quickly learned to keep my plastic rain poncho in my coat pocket and to wear layers. C and I laughed hard at each other because our voluminous orange and blue ponchos made us look like Fruit of the Loom characters. But hey, we were dry!
In everyday life, you can plan to buy a house or retire or get a degree, but it’s all pie in the sky unless you take the actions to make it happen. Maybe the definitions of plan and prepare get mixed up because a plan is a series of steps needed to prepare you to achieve your goal.
It helps if your companion on The Road thinks ahead, too. The roll of toilet paper C kept in the car sure came in handy.
Choose Your Companions Wisely
C and I traveled well together. I showered at night; she bathed in the morning. We both went crazy for castles, cliffs, and caves. We shared whatever food we ordered. When things got stupid, we could laugh at our mistakes. C was a great person to travel with.
I’ve had great success traveling with boyfriends, but less fun traveling with friend friends. For example, my first trip to Greece was with a Czech woman who completely lacked spontaneity. She saw all unexpected events as disasters so we had to book a package deal at a Czech-friendly resort. She ordered bland food and went to bed early every night. Boring, boring, boring.
In life as in travel, choose your companions wisely. Don’t share The Big Road Trip with people who diminish your experience. Life should be full of good conversations, easy compromises, and great meals. That doesn’t mean you’ll always be in sync. C learned that I can’t go more than six hours between breakfast and lunch. I learned she had to talk on the phone to people back home every night, while I preferred to disconnect for a few days.
Trust and Let Go
As I mentioned, C was in charge of finances, for which I’m grateful. She reserved the rental car and booked the hotels on her credit card, so I paid for meals, fuel, and entrance fees. Because we visited Northern Ireland and C was from Canada, finances got a little complicated.
C kept a spreadsheet with expenses in four different currencies—basically, a whole lot of math was involved to keep it all straight. Each time I paid a bill, she’d whisk the receipt out of my hand. Now and then she tallied our expenses so we wouldn’t have a big chore at the end of the trip. That last morning, she did her final calculations as best as she could and gave me a number. I had brought cash, which I handed over without question. I didn’t check her numbers at all because I trusted her. 
I’m a frugal person, not cheap. I’ve been out with cheap people (even ones with a lot of money) and nothing spoils the evening faster than nitpicking over who owes what. It’s best if one person is designated accountant. Quibbling over a few bucks here and there sours the experience. The point is: choose companions you trust and then actually trust them.
There are limits, though.
C is a good driver, but I didn’t trust her ability to drive with her knees while holding a phone (GPS frequently conked out). We made a rule: if there was a cliff beside the road, she had to have both hands on the wheel.
Ration Your Extravagances
The first time I saw the Roman Coliseum I was disappointed by how small and rickety it seemed. Kylemore Abby in Ireland was a disappointment as well. This might have something to do with expectations built up by seeing those iconic images on too many travel guides and websites. Interestingly, the memories that delight are not of the heavily promoted places (the great hall of a castle), but the oddities like the dungeon at the end of a narrow staircase in Bunratty Castle.
Even within life’s big occasions, it’s the little moments that linger.
Which do you remember most about your birthdays? The gifts you got or the people who helped you celebrate? I always remember cake.
What do you most remember about your graduation ceremonies? Was it the moment they called your name to come get your diploma? Maybe. If you’re a cake lover like me, you remember the perfect petit fours at the graduation brunch.
Weddings, bar mitzvahs, first dates, last goodbyes. What sticks with us are not the fancy things, but the people around them. I remember a wedding with an excellent cake. How sad the grandmother looked when her daughter made her eat plain ice cream for dessert because she was supposed to be gluten free. Note to everybody: When a 95-year-old woman goes to her granddaughter’s wedding, it won’t kill her to have a nice slice of cake.
Truly Special Occasions
I remember cake because I don’t have it that often. By the time C and I reached Dublin, Ireland, cathedrals were a common sight so we stopped paying to go inside. Seeing old churches had become like having cake at every meal. 
Years ago, I had a coworker who frequently marshaled the team for ice cream outings, which frustrated those of us who were trying to maintain a healthy weight.
“You have to treat yourself,” she’d say and I’d always think “It’s not a treat if you do it every day.”
Cherish Your Downtime
You know that feeling when you come home from a busy week at work and put on your slippers, turn on the TV, and chill? That’s what our last night in Dublin was like. That morning, C and I checked off the big attractions starting with Trinity College. Book of Kells? Check. The Long Room at the Library? Done.
But even in our eagerness to cram as much into one day as we could, my favorite memory of the college is chatting with a guard named Pat who pointed out the nook where Shakespeare’s own books were kept. The conversation veered into the personal, with talk about family and Pat’s dislike of plane travel. We gave him some advice about earplugs and encouraged him to try flying again.
The rest of the day was one photo op after another, a blur of gray stone buildings and green parks. Late in the afternoon, we were making our way back to the hotel to try to get last-minute theater tickets when we saw the most gorgeous display of fresh donuts in a window. The girls in The Hot Donut shop were as sweet as the donuts and kept us amused as we ate white chocolate and Boston crème. A block later, we passed a cinema and decided right then that we’d had enough of tourism—we were going to see a movie.
And that’s how our last evening in Ireland was spent eating donuts for dinner and watching an upbeat film. Couldn’t have planned a better evening if we’d tried.
Conclusion
Life is an adventure. It shouldn’t feel like tent camping in a thunder storm, but be more like a road trip with a great friend. Some rules of the road to live by: 
- Life is like a good road trip; keep the destination in mind, but enjoy the journey.
- Plan for the unexpected by taking the road less traveled.
- Be prepared by taking proactive steps—it might not rain, but bring your umbrella.
- You need more than one road map and more than one source of advice
- Choose your companions wisely and avoid people who limit your experience.
- Trust people and be willing to relinquish control if you do trust them.
- Ration your extravagances to ensure that they don’t grow stale.
- Cherish your downtime as much as the high points.
